If only I could cry…

 

I don’t have a idea when was the last time I could cry, when a tear left my eyes. It’s not that I had great days and I was always happy, I would say it was rather the opposite. In spite of being sad I couldn’t cry. There have been situations when I felt my heart being crushed by something, the pain was so intense that I wish my heart was not there in the first place, and I can say now what a “heartbroken” feels like. The times it felt like shouting out aloud and running and running until I’m tired and exhausted enough to fell asleep, but if only I could cry it would have been easy. I could do nothing as always I had me to myself, the best I did was surrounded myself with as many pillow as I could find and would let the rage, anger, grief drain somewhere in my heart and soul.

I have been kicked and rejected by life so often that I don’t need even that comfort now, it’s just whole pain finds its way to the heart, remains there for few minutes and escape as like nothing as ever happened that’s how I have been living. I don’t know what I have is good or bad, but it’s then like sometimes I can feel and sometimes all of sudden my body finds a switch to restart. It’s been a habit now the irony is that I can easily smile now.

I wish if only I could cry.

Pushpendra Singh

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3 thoughts on “If only I could cry…

  1. Very melancholy piece. Just want to mention, although you might already know, that not being able to cry even when you are very sad can sometimes be a sign of depression. If things are really hard emotionally and you are having a lot of trouble getting out maybe consider seeing someone. I wish you the best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Friend, I am a person who used to have the same problem. All I want to say is that the moment you suppress you emotions, it starts the timer on a bomb. The longer you suppress it the stronger it gets.
    I am a motivational speaker and one day wish to change our world.
    And It would mean a lot tome if you visit my blog. I am absolutely sure it can help you.
    http://karthiksurya.com/the-epiphanyday5/

    Liked by 1 person

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